Second Chances
by hetalia-baltics
Summary: Another EstLiet post-breakup story: after a little over a year of being apart, guilt is beginning to eat at Toris, and he decides to pay his old friend a visit one more time.


'_Give me a reason.' _Toris shut his eyes quickly, throat tightening as he could actually see Eduard's face. It had been almost a year, but the scars from that day were deep. The pain that reflected in the Estonian's eyes haunted him. It kept him awake at night, seeing the tears rolling down his cheeks and almost being able to hear the desperation in his shaky voice. '_What did I ever do to you?!' _He opened his eyes and took a step, pressing a trembling hand across his chest as he tried to force himself not to think about it. '_Except love you!'_

"That you did," he sighed inaudibly, forcing himself to continue walking. He couldn't deny that he had been avoiding Eduard since the breakup. But it was for the best. All he ever wanted was for him to be happy, and telling himself that he had made the right decision was really the only way to cope.

'_I held you when you were having rough nights, I fought for you… for us, no matter how many times people tried to break us up. I bent over backwards to make you happy every day we were together!__' _

"You shouldn't have." The brunette's head dropped as he kept moving, his head flooded with these flashbacks of the breakup. "You had your own problems, Eduard. You shouldn't have tried so hard to deal with mine…" And that's why it was the right thing to do. He was freeing Eduard from those struggles that he didn't deserve to be burdened with.

'_I would fight the world for you; I love you!' _Toris stopped in his tracks, leaning against a building for support as the memory of Eduard's words hit him hard enough that he could almost hear them again. "I know," he replied in almost a whisper, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "I know…" But he could learn to love someone else, someone who would treat him right. It had been a year almost; surely he had moved past this a long time ago. Surely he was fine now, surrounded by friends and perhaps even another significant other. He was Eduard von Bock after all; he found happiness in the presence of others. He would be ok.

But it wouldn't hurt to check just one more time.

Toris lifted his head and slowly moved away from the wall, no longer allowing himself to stop walking until he reached the Estonian's house. He knew the way by heart, despite how long it had been since he'd stepped foot inside the other's home. Something in the back of his mind was telling him that he had been wrong, and he wasn't going to go another day before disproving this. All he wanted to see was that Eduard was happy, and then he would leave. It would be as simple as that: he would ease his conscience and go home, and all of this would finally be forgotten.

With this thought in mind, the brunette hardly paused when he reached the other's door. He took a breath and knocked softly, waiting for some sort of reply. Nothing came. Another slightly louder knock was followed by the same response: silence. Toris reached into his pocket then, grabbing a key and holding it tightly in his hand. Back when he and Eduard were together, they had spent enough time at each other's houses to have keys to both places. Usually Eduard was the one who came for visits, but every now and then on a lonely night or a slow afternoon, the tables would turn. True, Toris rarely sought attention or comfort from anyone, but he knew where to go when he needed it. He knew who would always be there for him.

The brunette shook his head to himself, trying not to overthink these things. He wouldn't admit it if asked, but he almost always kept that key with him, just in case. With a swift movement, he unlocked the door and pushed it open quietly, entering the other's house in silence. He considered calling out, but waited. Perhaps it would be better to determine whether or not his dear friend was happy if he didn't know that he was there.

But where was he exactly? Most of the lights in the house were off, even the ones in his room. Toris made his way back there anyway, progressing slowly so his footsteps were barely audible. When he reached the half-open door, he hesitated for a moment before carefully pushing it open the rest of the way and peeking in. To his disappointment, the room was unoccupied. He entered anyway, glancing around for any clues to how much Eduard had changed in the past year. For the most part, everything was exactly as it was. There wasn't much indication of how he was faring, though Toris was a bit bothered by the all of the pictures of the two of them. It wasn't an obsessive amount, but just the fact that he had them was a sign that he was at least still thinking about the relationship.

"I should not be here," he murmured to nobody in particular, staring down at one of the pictures displayed on the bedside table. It really wasn't the best idea to be searching the younger nation's room too thoroughly; it would be disrespectful of his space and privacy if nothing else. Sighing to himself, Toris glanced over at another one of the cheerful pictures for a minute before getting up and quietly leaving the room. He left the door ajar on his way out, trying to keep things the way that they were before he came.

A quick check of the rest of the house left Toris discouraged. He was contemplating departure, but something stopped him. As he was making his way back to the front door, he noticed one of the shut doors had light coming from the other side. He pressed his ear against it and closed his eyes, concentrating, trying to listen for somebody on the other side. After a minute or so, he gave up trying to predetermine things and turned the doorknob slowly, thankful that this door didn't creak when he pushed it open.

The open door revealed a staircase that went down into the basement. Toris began making his way down, walking on his toes to minimalize the noise that was inevitable from the stairs. As he made the descent, he slowly began to recall just where he was going. He had only been down to this part of Eduard's house a couple of times when invited; it was where the Estonian kept his recording equipment and musical instruments. Music was a passion of Eduard's that he certainly didn't keep a secret. He talked about it frequently, though he usually kept any of his own songs that he played or sang strictly to himself. It was always a privilege to hear them; even Toris had only heard them a few times while he and Eduard were together. He couldn't help but wonder if this was going to be one of those rare times.

When Toris reached the bottom of the staircase, he immediately caught sight of the younger nation. He was seated in front of his piano, his long fingers tracing delicately across the keys, but not pressing down to play them. Other than that he was completely still, leaned forward with his head tilted down as if lost in thought.

Toris took a couple of steps closer, but still waited to speak. He wasn't sure what Eduard would do or say to his random appearance, especially since it had been so long. He took a seat instead, waiting to see what the blond would do next.

Several minutes of silence passed between the two. From Toris is was out of mild anxiety, for Eduard is was out of obliviousness. He just sat and stared at the piano keys, as he had been for at least an hour before Toris' arrival. There was no motivation to play, or do anything else for that matter. The past year left him in a strange kind of isolation, which had been slowly taking its toll on him.

As more time passed, Toris was beginning to wonder if Eduard was going to play at all. It seemed trivial, but it was much more important than anyone else could fully understand. When alone, Eduard always had something to play; his passion for music was subtle but strong within him. The fact that he was just sitting here in silence for so long was worrisome.

"Eduard…" Toris finally spoke, though he was concerned at this point that he would frighten the Estonian. It would certainly be understandable; Toris couldn't imagine how he would feel if somebody appeared behind him in his house out of the blue. At the same time, the two had their differences. Much to the brunet's surprise, Eduard still didn't move at all. He didn't even shift positions at the sound of his name. Did he not hear?

"Eduard?"

"Yes?" he replied softly. He drummed his fingers delicately on the piano keys, still too soft to press them. All the while his back was still turned, and he didn't make any movements to indicate that he was going to face his visitor.

"You don't seem that surprised that I am here," Toris observed. He got up from where he was seated, but didn't advance just yet.

Eduard's shoulders slumped a bit as he let out perhaps the most unamused chuckle that Toris had ever heard. "Because you're not actually here."

His words made no sense, and they didn't exactly make Toris feel any better about this visit. "I don't understand what you are meaning…"

"What I'm 'meaning'," Eduard replied, his voice rising to a normal volume now, "is that every time I hear your voice, I turn around and you're not there. I'm going crazy; I haven't spoken to my friends in months, and yet here I am talking to a voice in my head. What I'm 'meaning' is, in short, that I'm lonely… and I miss you."

Toris didn't respond for quite some time. He was afraid to approach just yet; he really just wanted Eduard to turn around and see for himself. "I am here, Ed."

"Mm," Eduard shook his head, pulling his hands back from the piano and rubbing his forehead instead. "It's sad, isn't it?"

Toris could only tilt his head in wonder about how vague the Estonian was being. This wasn't at all what he was preparing himself for. "What?"

"It's just… sad," Eduard repeated. "It's sad that I fully believed two years ago that I had nothing. Nothing at all. And then last year, when I thought I didn't have anything to lose, I lost you. Now as the weeks and months go by, after I decided that there was officially nothing more that could be taken from me, I've been slowly losing my mind. I can hardly even hear the happiness of my people anymore. I'm independent, but I don't feel free." He took a deep breath and covered his face with his hands. "I'm a prisoner of my own loneliness. It's something you'll never understand; you like being alone."

"Why didn't you come to me then?" Toris didn't know what else to say, but he knew he needed to say something. He didn't believe that Eduard was really losing his mind, though he couldn't blame him for feeling like he was. "I'm here for you; you know that…"

"Yeah, I've heard it before. I'm sick of being a burden. Why do you think I've been avoiding everyone? All I can do right now is drag them down. I don't want that for anybody."

"But I'm right here. You're not alone, and you're not a burden. Over all else, you are not going crazy. I hear you speak rationally, and what you think is a voice in your head is not at all. If you would just turn around…"

Eduard cut him off at that, lifting a hand to signal for him to stop talking. "I've been waiting for you for far too long. You come to me. If I'm not going insane then at least prove to me that you're really here." He spoke with a bitter tone, as he was fully convinced that he was talking to thin air. He waited for a couple of seconds anyway, just to confirm that nobody was there. "Yeah. That's what I thought. Just get out of my head already so I can move on…"

Toris took a couple of quiet, hesitant steps until he was standing directly behind the blond. There were still so many things that didn't make sense; he didn't know where to begin. "Why have you not seen your friends? It has been a long time, and they could have helped you…"

Eduard shook his head, swallowing back a lump in his throat. "Yeah, they probably could have. I really don't want their help right now. There's nothing they can do except drain themselves trying to help me. That isn't fair for anyone."

"You sound so miserable," Toris murmured. This was exactly what he had feared, though he never actually thought that it would be the case.

"I'm not. I'm not happy by any means, but I wouldn't say that I am miserable. I'm just… just lonely. It's too quiet. And like I said before… I really miss you. And I still don't know why you even broke up with me in the first place, but… I never stopped loving you."

This statement was followed by several more long minutes of silence. Toris was standing close enough that he could reach out and touch Eduard, but he didn't. He couldn't place just what was holding him back, but he couldn't bring himself any closer. He knew at this point that it was up to him again, so he had to choose his next course of action very carefully. At this point, he had to accept that he was wrong one year ago when he was so convinced that he was right. He had to move past that and face the reality of the situation, and he had to be sincere in whatever he did or said, otherwise nothing would change.

And that's when another flashback hit him, Eduard's last request before they broke off. One that he never received an answer to: _'Do me one last favor: tell me. Tell me that you don't love me; I want to hear those words just like that, and it'll be over, but I'm not going to let you go if you still do.'_

"So that's why," he breathed. "That's why you're still waiting, isn't it? Because I never gave you an answer…"

Eduard's muscles tensed a bit. He took off his glasses and cleaned them on his shirt to cover up nonchalantly wiping tears from the corners of his eyes before they could fall. "What are you even talking about?"

"Last year when I broke up with you in the first place, you had one request and I was too upset in the moment to give you an answer."

Eduard knew exactly what Toris was referring to from the moment he brought it up, but for a while he was pretending not to. It was a painful memory, but it was one that he had to face eventually, even if he was only speaking to the voice of a man who wasn't really there. "Yeah you did. Does 'It's not like that, Eduard; I never said that' ring a bell?"

Toris cringed. He hated to admit it, but 'I never said that' was his cop-out for pretty much every uncomfortable situation he found himself in. It was never truly an answer, it was an escape route. Coming from Eduard's lips just made it that much more painful to remember. The fact that the Estonian could quote him was even worse.

"That was not an answer," he replied quietly. "Your question was a yes or a no question."

Eduard rested his head in his hands, sighing. "Yeah. I know."

"Well I do not know if you still want an answer, but if it means anything to you…" Toris fixed his eyes to the ground, trying to mentally push himself through this. He certainly wasn't an expert with relationships, if the fact that he was even in this situation wasn't proof enough, but it was time to stop using that as an excuse. He had to make a legitimate effort.

"Yes." He swallowed back the lump in his throat, keeping his eyes fixed on the other, who was still turned away. "I do love you, Eduard. I always did, before we started our relationship, and through the entire thing from the beginning to the end. And I still love you today just the same."

Eduard lifted his head, heart pounding in his chest at the Lithuanian's soft-spoken words. There was no way that this was really Toris. It had to be his mind playing a cruel joke on him. Toris would never… He closed his eyes and stood up from the piano bench. Slowly, cautiously, he opened his eyes again and turned around. His knees went weak when his blue eyes met the other's beautiful green ones.

"My god..." He stepped around the bench slowly, his knees trembling as he approached. "It's you…" More tears quickly rose from the corners of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks as he stood face to face with the one person who he had missed so dearly.

"Oh Eduard…" Toris wrapped his arms tightly around the other, hugging him close. The tears flowing from the younger nation's eyes made his heart shatter. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Eduard returned the hug shakily. All of this was overwhelming him; finally the wave of emotion just became too strong. He pressed his forehead against the brunet's shoulder and broke into sobs, gripping the faded green fabric of his shirt as the tears rushed down his face.

"No, no… shh…" Toris rubbed his back comfortingly, moving him back to the bench so that they could sit down together. "Please don't cry." Even as he said this, he couldn't help but allow a few tears to escape from his eyes as well. He temporarily loosened his tight hug and lifted Eduard's chin so that they were looking into each other's eyes once more. He removed the Estonian's glasses and set them down on top of the piano before pulling him back into another tight embrace. "Forgive me. I was wrong. I know that now. But I do love you, Eduard. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that. Please… please forgive me."

"I missed you so much," Eduard practically whispered. He leaned closer, moving a hand up to tangle his fingers in Toris' soft hair as the tears continued to run down his face. It was hard to believe that after so long, they were finally here again. They made it, at last. "Of course I forgive you. I've been waiting for you, after all. I wouldn't wait so long just to push you away… You're worth it, you know. I would have waited another century for you."

Toris' eyes were locked on Eduard's as the blond spoke. Instead of thinking about what he had done, he focused on here and now, how close they finally were. One gentle hand moved to the Estonian's cheek as he let the gentle words process. He wiped the other's tears away with his thumb as he slowly leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. He glanced down at Eduard's lips and then looked back into his eyes, waiting to see what he was going to do.

"I knew you would come back one day," Eduard whispered, noticing the shift in Toris' gaze. A soft smile crept to his face as he moved his hand from the other's hair to his cheek. "You are… here, right? I mean… you know…"

"I'm here." Toris placed his hand over top of the Estonian's, finally working up the courage to make the next move. Ignoring the pounding in his chest, the brunet leaned forward and smoothly brushed his lips against Eduard's, closing his eyes as the younger nation leaned in to deepen the kiss.

Eduard closed his eyes tightly as well, feeling his whole body finally relax after all of the events that had just unfolded. He smiled into the kiss as he felt Toris' arms wrap tightly around him. For the first time in so long, he finally felt _happy_ again. Was it pathetic to find happiness in somebody else instead of finding it within himself? Probably, but in this moment it didn't matter. He had missed this too much to care. Their lips never parted as Eduard shifted to slip a hand under Toris' shirt. He rubbed his back soothingly, satisfied with the contented little hum he received from the older nation in response.

"I love you," Eduard murmured softly, his lips barely brushing against Toris' as he spoke.

Sparkling green eyes met blue again at the sound of the loving words. Keeping his arms wrapped tightly around his partner, Toris leaned closer to the other's ear, whispering the words back to him. There were few things that brought the Lithuanian more joy than seeing Eduard smile. It amazed him how he seemed to have let himself forget this for this long.

But that didn't matter anymore, he reminded himself, and soon enough they were kissing again. It was remarkable how the day started so dim and grey, and now here they sat together in a world full of color. Nothing could ruin the beautiful moment that both thought would only ever come to be in a dream. Nothing could stop them now.

At least that's what passed through both of their minds while the seemed to forget where they were. Eduard leaned back as they kissed, hitting his elbow down against the piano keys, which resulted in the most ungodly noise to break the peaceful silence. Toris jumped in surprise at the sudden interruption, almost falling off of the bench if it wasn't for Eduard catching him.

The brief awkwardness that followed dissolved rather quickly when Eduard started to laugh. Toris couldn't help but laugh as well, amused and amazed at how dysfunctional they could be sometimes. But it wasn't such a bad thing.

"Should we continue this conversation somewhere else? Like the couch upstairs maybe?" Eduard suggested, leaning forward to playfully bump their noses together.

Toris chuckled, standing up slowly before turning around to take Eduard's hands and pull him to his feet as well. "That sounds like a good idea, as long as we can come back down here later tonight or tomorrow so that I can hear you play. I've missed your music."

Eduard beamed, intertwining his fingers with Toris' as they walked up the stairs and into the living room together. "Of course!" He let Toris sit down first before quickly joining him, wrapping both arms around him and snuggling into his shoulder. "But… I still have one more question, if you don't mind. And then we can leave this past year behind us if that's what you would like."

"Sure." Toris leaned back on the couch, very much appreciating the closeness. There was comfort in Eduard's presence now; all of the fear and doubt were long gone.

"I was just wondering… now that we're kind of together again…" The blond played with a strand of the other's hair absentmindedly as he spoke, distracting himself from the gentle green eyes that were focusing on him. "Are things going to be the way that they were before?"

"I do not think so." Toris wrapped one arm around Eduard's shoulders and leaned in to kiss his cheek. Their relationship had been quite complicated from the time it started until their breakup a year ago. They had a few happy moments, but in general it wasn't all that either of them really expected it to be. It wasn't something that Toris wanted to go back into. So no, things were not going to be the way they were before. Never again would they ever be that way. "They are going to be better."


End file.
